An Alberta cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” (more…)
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. (more…)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
Did You Know… (more…)
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. (more…)
65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 45 BC residents go to outdoor concerts 40 You can see your breath Californians shiver uncontrollably Minasotians go swimming (more…)
I just got this in from a reliable source. It seems that there is a virus out there called the C-nile Virus that even the most advanced Anti-Virus programs cannot take care of, so be warned. It appears to affect those of us who were born before 1948! Symptoms of C-nile Virus: (more…)
A man runs into the vet’s office screaming for help. The vet rushes out to his horse trailer to examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his horse, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the horses’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your horse is dead too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his horse is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your horse is dead too.” The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.” “$650 to tell me my horse is dead?” exclaimed the man…. “Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”
On the second day, God created Man to serve the Horse. On the third day, God created all of the animals of the earth to spook the Horse while Man was upon his back. On the fourth day, God created honest work so that Man could labor to pay for the upkeep of Horse. On the fifth day, God created the grasses in the field so that Horse could eat and Man could do an honest days toil to clean up after Horse. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep Horse healthy and Man broke. On the seventh day, God rested and said “This is good. This will keep Man humble, it will tire him out and keep him striving forward to meet the needs of Horse.”
Event Prospect……….Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect…….Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect………..Pretty Colour
Sporting Prospect…….Short, Fast Horse
Eventing Prospect…….Ugliest head you ever saw (more…)
